Question

Do you ever get tired of being you?  You know - you don't like what you say, how you act or what you are doing at that particular time in your life and you're just...tired.  That's how I've been feeling.  And I think to myself - I need to talk to someone about it.  But then my mind has a conversation -

Why don't you just do something about it?

I'm trying - but then - I must not be trying hard enough.  If I was - I'd change

I am extremely good at making up conversations in my mind. I can predict what somone is going to say even before they say it - even if they never said anything like it before. 

This is something I don't like about myself.

So - how does a person change?

I pray to God asking for help - then I read that He can do anything and I just ask him to change me...

It's not happening.  Maybe I like being this way?

But - I don't!  I hate myself like this.  I try to change, I do.  But I just go back to SOS. 

Any suggestions???

A Blessing and a Loss

My youngest child just turned 15.  One more year and he will be driving. 

I've been thinking about that a lot and my mind wanders to other events in my kids' lives where I've looked forward with anticipation and excitement and then - when they happened - I was disappointed.

For instance, I like every other mother on the planet could not wait for my oldest to start walking.  He was big and heavy and he squirmed a lot when he was held.  He did not like sitting in his stroller.  So his father and I were excited when he started the process of learning to walk.  We'd clap when he stood up by himself.  Encourage him to "walk" around the house hanging onto furniture to keep his balance.  We'd sit on the floor and pass him back and forth, waiting for that first step on his own.  Then one day when I picked him up from daycare they said "He took a step today!" (this was typical - the BIG milestones always happened at daycare or my in-laws).  I took him home and set him down.  He tried to walk.  He was wobbly but it was there - he knew what it felt like and he liked it!  In my ignorance, I was excited and relieved.  No more lugging him on my hip or pushing him in the stroller.  We were free!

The joke was on me though.  As soon as he started walking - he took off and never looked back.  Gone were the days when I could control where I walked.  No -  I walked where he walked, usually 4-5 steps behind - running.  Just as I'd reel him in - off he would go.  As a parent you understand.  Yes - it was nice that he was walking - but it was NOT nice that I had to follow him!!

So now my youngest is near driving age.  Another milestone and another loss.  This one may be more traumatic than exhausting.  See - when your child gets their license, they have freedom.  Freedom to go where they want or need to - freedom to leave the house without you.  It sounds like a blessing - no more car pool, no more waiting for practice to be over, no more hurrying out of work so he won't be the last one to be picked up.  But - what you lose is much bigger - you lose time with them.  It may not occur to you that you spend a lot of time in the car with your child and in that time you talk a lot (hopefully) and you get an idea of what is going on in their life.  You hear about progress made in school, about friends and you hear your child - talking to you.  It seems like a small thing, but in these busy times - it is not.  It is gold. 

So - I begin the mourning process for time with my youngest.  Soon he will be on his own - free - and gone...

Want to get more done? Get more to do!!

I have finally realized that the busier I am, the more productive I am. Wait - isn't that obvious? Well - yes, but what I mean is that when I have more to do - I do it better than if I have just a few things to do. I think it's human nature. You have some free time, so you think, I'll do it later, then when it's time to get it done - you are way behind because you spent a lot of time doing nothing.

I've tried to explain this to my 19 year old son which is really a waste of time. If you have teenagers, you know that they know everything and they don't want to hear what you have to say.

So, I'll let him figure it out on his own. Maybe in 30 years - he'll get it. Until then he'll have to learn the hard way - the way his mother did.

Okay...

I'm back. I read a devotional this morning on Proverbs 31. Traci Miles challenged her readers to spend 30 minutes alone each day with God for the next five days. I have accepted the challenge. It is part of a five day "Faith Zone Challenge" to get closer to God so I can hear what He is telling me.

This is definitely a "God-incidence"! It's amazing how He will place a blog, article or verse in front of me just when I need to hear it.

So - my plan is to get up early in the morning and spend 30 minutes praying, reading the bible and just being quiet. Now - I get up early to do my Bible study, but it usually isn't 30 minutes worth and while I'm doing it I'm thinking of all of the things I need to do that day.

Traci challenges us to sit quietly and listen. So, that is what I am going to do. Wish me luck! I'll let you know how it turns out tomorrow!

I've been thinking...

I started this blog during a time of unrest. As you can see - it didn't last long. I have a pattern in my life - I get enthusiastic about something - go full bore into it and then - poof! the newness is gone, my enthusiasm wanes and I abandon it.
So - I am going to start this again and STICK WITH IT!
Why the "re-start"?
I am tired of not doing any of the things I say I am going to do!
I spend a lot of time wasting time - do you?
So - with this blog, I will attempt to discipline myself to start something and stay with it!
Have you seen the movie - Julie & Julia? Can you guess why I was also inspired by that movie to start this. In the movie, Julie has a goal - a purpose for her blog. It takes on a life of its own once she starts it. She starts and she doesn't stop - until she is almost finished. It takes over her life, her marriage and her job! But, in the end, she realizes her goal and she lives happily ever after (at least through the credits).
The point is - I am inspired. Now whether this will take or not is up to me.
I am praying that it does - asking for help from God - which isn't a bad thing. I may have a chance!

"Usually someone must go to a bowling alley..."

"to meet a person of your stature."
Do you know what movie that line is from? I do!!

I grew up in a family that did not go to many movies. It wasn't that we couldn't afford it or didn't have the opportunity, it was just that my parents weren't that into movies.

I married a man who LOVES movies. Many of his family memories revolve around movies, much of their "traditions" involve movies. Thanksgiving day - go see a movie after an early dinner. Day after Christmas - the same thing. Anytime you are bored - "what's playing at the movies?".
When we were dating, we saw many movies - our first date was to see Porky's - not something I'm proud of - and not a real romantic one. But, he asked me and I went.
Now, my life is defined by movies - when we saw them, movie lines, themes and plots. My boys have inherited their dad's love of movies. They can sit all day and watch movie after movie. Sometimes I have to make a deliverate effort to get up and do something otherwise, I will sit there with them and get nothing done - something totally against my nature.
Why this obsession? I think it has to do with the art of the possible. Movies give us a view of the world that is different from our own. They show us things we might not see or know without them. When you watch a movie - you become part of the story - part of the possible.
Now - I have a long list of favorite movies and I find myself surfing the TV guide looking for a favorite to watch on a lazy Saturday afternoon. I prefer romatic comedies, but will choose action, suspense, documentary and biographical films. The only genre I don't appreciate - horror films - I just don't get them. Why pay to be terrified? If I want to get my heart racing I'll ride a roller coaster - but that's another post.
And - what movie is the quote from? Arthur - my hubby and my favorite movie of all time.

My other favorite movies?
When Harry Met Sally
Bourne Supremacy
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

I'd write more, but White Fang just started which I haven't seen - so it deserves my full attention.
See you at the movies!

Initial Post

OK - so I love to read other people's blogs and my husband makes fun of me so I thought I would try it and see if I came up with anything interesting. My life isn't that interesting. It's definitely full - I have a college age son and one in junior high school. I work full time and I am an active member of my church. I can spend a lot of time doing nothing or being very productive. I am easily distracted and have a lot of "things" going on at once. When I have to choose, I would rather bake than anything!