A Blessing and a Loss

My youngest child just turned 15.  One more year and he will be driving. 

I've been thinking about that a lot and my mind wanders to other events in my kids' lives where I've looked forward with anticipation and excitement and then - when they happened - I was disappointed.

For instance, I like every other mother on the planet could not wait for my oldest to start walking.  He was big and heavy and he squirmed a lot when he was held.  He did not like sitting in his stroller.  So his father and I were excited when he started the process of learning to walk.  We'd clap when he stood up by himself.  Encourage him to "walk" around the house hanging onto furniture to keep his balance.  We'd sit on the floor and pass him back and forth, waiting for that first step on his own.  Then one day when I picked him up from daycare they said "He took a step today!" (this was typical - the BIG milestones always happened at daycare or my in-laws).  I took him home and set him down.  He tried to walk.  He was wobbly but it was there - he knew what it felt like and he liked it!  In my ignorance, I was excited and relieved.  No more lugging him on my hip or pushing him in the stroller.  We were free!

The joke was on me though.  As soon as he started walking - he took off and never looked back.  Gone were the days when I could control where I walked.  No -  I walked where he walked, usually 4-5 steps behind - running.  Just as I'd reel him in - off he would go.  As a parent you understand.  Yes - it was nice that he was walking - but it was NOT nice that I had to follow him!!

So now my youngest is near driving age.  Another milestone and another loss.  This one may be more traumatic than exhausting.  See - when your child gets their license, they have freedom.  Freedom to go where they want or need to - freedom to leave the house without you.  It sounds like a blessing - no more car pool, no more waiting for practice to be over, no more hurrying out of work so he won't be the last one to be picked up.  But - what you lose is much bigger - you lose time with them.  It may not occur to you that you spend a lot of time in the car with your child and in that time you talk a lot (hopefully) and you get an idea of what is going on in their life.  You hear about progress made in school, about friends and you hear your child - talking to you.  It seems like a small thing, but in these busy times - it is not.  It is gold. 

So - I begin the mourning process for time with my youngest.  Soon he will be on his own - free - and gone...